So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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