I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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