I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
