matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
