You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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