I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
