I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
