I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize