they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
