someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
that's an acceptable place to lick
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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