She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
