I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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