at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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