i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize