THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
