i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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