I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
