so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
