Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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