i love accidental penises.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
