Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
