She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
