You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
