I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just want nice things and good sex
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
