you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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