Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
