I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
