glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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