i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
