Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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