I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You are the jesus of drinking
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
