Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
