I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
