i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
