Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
