hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
