Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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