She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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