He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
