Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
