I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
