Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
