So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
MIDGETS
????
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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