Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
