Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
