my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
