If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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