tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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