I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
