i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
