I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize