Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
