You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There's always time for handjobs
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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