3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize