Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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