Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
