Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
