just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
