I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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