I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
