i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
