WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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