i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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