I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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