Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
