Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
