we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
