he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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