you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
