Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
