Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
