my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
