I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
