there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
