And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
