you guys were way drunker than both of me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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