You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize