I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
