I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
