so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
